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INTRODUCTION
ADJECTIVES AND adverbs are dangerous. They can lull a writer into the mistaken idea that they are adequately describing something. They tend to be used in tired and predictable ways. They may make your poetry or prose too rich or too specific, resulting in a serious condition known as ‘overwriting’.
Overwriting prevents the reader filling in the gaps with their own imaginative response. Ironically, the more you describe, the less satisfying your description, the less vivid and accessible. The reader takes pleasure in completing the images. The strength of fiction and poetry often lies as much in what is left out as in what is said.
Assess the problem. Are you addicted to adjectives? Use the following writing experiment to find out.
1 Describe something you can see. In 200 words of prose, describe the shoes you are wearing right now.
2 Describe something from memory. In 200 words of prose, describe a dress you once wore, but no longer own or wear.
3 Count the number of adjectives and adverbs you have used in each description. More than 15 of each is worrying.
4 Take out every adjective and adverb in both pieces. Does the writing have a more contemporary tone? If it seems bald and lifeless, try putting a few judicious ones back.
See how this experiment works with the following overwritten descriptive passage.
I wore an aqua blue dress made out of filmy, dappled, semi-transparent voile. The neat bodice was ruched to the shape of my high young bosoms. The knee-length skirt was almost too narrow. I walked with a strange haunting sound. The richly-decorated princess sleeves were gently puffed. The forlorn, watery colour reminded me of old-fashioned Hollywood swimming pools.
Here it is without the qualifiers:
I wore a dress made out of voile. The bodice was ruched to the shape of my bosoms. The skirt was narrow. I walked with a sound. The sleeves were puffed. The colour reminded me of pools.
And here it is again, with a few swapped around and reinserted. Odd, maybe, but can you see how much more evocative this version has become?
I wore a high young dress made out of watery voile. The bodice was ruched to the shape of my swimming bosoms. The Hollywood skirt was narrow. The sleeves were puffed. The colour reminded me of filmy pools.
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EXERCISES
If the arteries of your writing are furred with adjectives, you need to take action. To break the habit, try replacing strings of qualifiers with healthful alternatives, such as action, concrete nouns, direct speech, images. Try the following experiments:
#1
Swap adjectives
Nouns often attract a familiar adjective. Often an adjective-noun association is so predictable, it reads like a cliché: ‘gnarled hands’, ‘crumbling ruins’, ‘silvery moonlight’. To break this pattern, try removing all your adjectives and swapping them around so that they modify new nouns, nouns they never got close to before. ‘Crumbling hands’ is quite interesting. What about ‘silvery hands’, ‘gnarled ruins’, ‘crumbling moonlight’? You don’t have to make straight swaps. Just play with the language and become aware of when and how you are using adjectives. A well-chosen or surprising adjective can have a wonderful effect. Do the same thing with you adverbs. ‘Sleeping soundly’, ‘driving recklessly’, ‘speaking fluently’, ‘dancing gracefully’ could all gain extra impetus by being broken, then swapped.
#2
Show, don’t tell
Showing is not necessarily the same as describing. For a more vivid effect, try mixing your description with movement. Describe those shoes you’re wearing while someone is chasing you down the street. Describe the dress you once wore being removed by a lover. In this way you avoid the kind of static description that is not part of action. You often see this type of description in 19th Century novels, but nowadays writers prefer to juggle description, action, reflection.
When you stop to describe something in prose, the forward movement of events comes to a halt. You’ll be surprised at how many fewer adjectives are needed when you’re describing through action - and how much more dynamic the result: the fine transparent dress caught on a nail as its wearer is hurrying through an old door; the shoelace trailing on the dusty floor as its wearer limps to a chair. In poetry this kind of description can work especially well.
#3
Use direct speech
In dialogue between yourself and another character, describe your shoes. Use only direct speech to convey something detailed about them. You may be surprised at what else you convey.
#4
Lose the visual
Describe an object you think is beautiful without employing your sense of sight.
#5
Go cold turkey
From the very first draft, shun adjectives. Describe entering a city at night without using any adjectives or adverbs at all.
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